I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
