just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
