Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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