After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
