CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
