I think my fart just growled at me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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