I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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