you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
