i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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