get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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