So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
