then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
