Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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