you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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