my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
