TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
