there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
