Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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