i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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