Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
