How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
