bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
