why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think people are normalizing furries
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
