im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize