Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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