I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
