I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize