I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
