i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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