I cockslap morals
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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