I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
