I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
