omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
