Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize