Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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