Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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