So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
