Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize