Redeem this text for a blowjob
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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