I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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