Banned from zoo.
Again?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
