At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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