sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
