I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
