Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so let's talk penis.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
