I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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