so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
