My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
