I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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