you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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