I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
