I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
