Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's blow job season.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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