He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
