I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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