I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The air was thick with penises
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
