i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
