I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
