can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
