I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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