I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize