a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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