How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
