If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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