Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
