He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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