I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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