Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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