i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
