shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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