So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
