i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize