it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
