the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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