how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
