i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
