idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize