I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
