Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize