It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
