the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
