I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
