i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
