My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
home. puking in laundry basket.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
