I'm laying in your front yard are you home
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
