Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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