fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
