i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
