hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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