Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
