somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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